


sorry i left (sorry i let you)

by sanakayex28



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, Slight Mention of Blood, mentions of alcohol bc of parties, pre-wedding till the actual wedding, sanayeon's a mess as usual, they suck at feelings, they're already working but they act like high school kids around their crush, wedding au somehow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:48:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26008279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanakayex28/pseuds/sanakayex28
Summary: so sana wonders why nayeon still hasn’t figured out the effect she has on the younger girl. because sana doesn’t mind having to wait for another twenty minutes - or even another hour if nayeon feels like it - for the girl she loves.or, alternatively, sana's waited for nayeon her whole life only for nayeon to make her wait some more.(basically a sanayeon wedding au but it's not sana and nayeon's wedding.)
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 18
Kudos: 96
Collections: Shot Thru the Heart: A Writing Collection





	sorry i left (sorry i let you)

**Author's Note:**

> title from sorry i left by janina vela ft. donny pangilinan
> 
> i've been trying to write this for five months now and when i saw the collection i just knew i had to finish this for it :)
> 
> also this was only proofread by me and unbeta'd so sorry in advance for any and all grammatical and spelling errors :(

sana stares at the front door from inside her car, waiting for nayeon to come out. 

if sana were asked to think of one word to describe the older based on all the years they spent together, ‘late’ would be the first thing that would come to mind. which wouldn’t really be a surprise to either one since nayeon’s constant habit of being late is also the reason as to why they even met in the first place.

_sana has already decided to work on her first marketing project on her own. she wasn’t really good with group works, and she knew that having to work with someone else would only end up being a burden to her since she tends to hog all the work. but minutes before her professor was able to dismiss them, a new student came halting in._

_the girl apologized to everyone as soon as she stepped inside the room, explaining what led to her missing almost the whole duration of the class. the professor was nice though, didn’t even scold her one bit, and instead informed her about the details of the project that were explained minutes before her arrival._

_sana couldn’t care less about this girl, she was even ready to leave with all her things neatly placed in her bag already. till she heard her professor mention her name, “ms. im, you could partner up with ms. minatozaki over there.”_

and little did the two girls know then that that was the only moment they needed to be able to establish something as beautiful as the relationship they now have, and sana couldn’t thank her professor enough for opening that road for the two of them to take.

so this isn’t the first time nayeon was late, in fact, it was such a typical nayeon thing that sana had gotten used to it by now - even developed her patience as a person thanks to the constant waiting nayeon makes her go through - so it wasn’t much of a big deal for her to wait for another ten minutes.

but that does give her the right to whine about it. especially after having to endure it for eight years now.

nayeon finally got out of their shared house with all the things they’ll need for their mini trip, and sana went out of her car to watch nayeon over the car’s roof to make the older hear her complain, “could you get any slower than that?” 

“well, maybe if you helped me, we could’ve been on the road by now!” nayeon rolled her eyes as she made sure to show sana how much she’s struggling with the suitcase on her right hand and a duffel bag on her left.

sana scoffed at that, knowing that even if she did help nayeon, nayeon’s timeline would always be the one that’s followed - one that’ll end up with both of them being late instead because it’s not like it’s never happened before - and they probably won’t be able to reach their dinner reservation on time. so to avoid that happening, sana also replied with a pair of rolling eyes and went straight to give nayeon a hand by getting both bags from her as the latter opened the trunk of the car as if all of it were natural - and maybe it is by now, given their dynamics.

“how about you start being on time from now on?” sana closed the trunk after checking if all their bags were inside. sana knew that even if she reminds nayeon countless times, the older will never budge. but it doesn’t hurt to remind her whenever she can.

it’s how nayeon has always been anyway. and even if sana’s a sucker for punctuality - being the more responsible of the two - she doesn’t mind having to wait for another twenty minutes - or even another hour if nayeon feels like it - for the girl she loves.

the drive to their hotel was nowhere near silent, talking about everything and nothing. nayeon knew how much sana loves to sleep - maybe even more than her love for the older and nayeon always made sure to whine about that - so long hours on the road meant how sana could easily get bored and drowsy, and it was nayeon’s job to prevent that from happening especially when sana was at the wheel or they could end up an accident.

and sana wonders if nayeon ever runs out of things to talk about but after eight years of knowing each other, sana knew never to question that because if given the chance, nayeon will not stop talking. and maybe that makes sana fall for nayeon more. because as much as nayeon loves talking, she only ever does it with people she’s close to, and sana’s lucky to be part of the aforementioned and she’s never felt more special.

“what time is it?” sana suddenly asks, realizing that the sun has already set a while back and they are still a little far away from their destination.

nayeon grunts as a reply, knowing that they’re gonna have to rush now - something she hates to do because she’d always prefer to take her time, always hated the feeling of feeling rushed. but sana had made a reservation for them and she knew how much it’ll upset sana if they didn't make it - and she didn’t want that - so she complied this time. 

“it's quarter to eight, we can still make it in time for dinner,” nayeon smiled, feeling giddy after seeing sana’s grin grow wider at nayeon’s mention of time. and nayeon won’t ever admit it out loud, but the feeling she gets whenever she knows she’s the reason behind the younger’s smile is something she’ll always want to have. 

it didn’t take long for them to arrive at the hotel with half an hour to spare before they needed to head over to the hotel’s restaurant. so nayeon being nayeon, she lay down as soon as they got to their hotel room and left sana with all their things by the door.

and sana being sana, she didn’t mind. she was so used to the older girl’s antics that she already knew nayeon would do just that - leave her on her own to lift all their things. but again, she didn’t mind. that’s how they’ve always been. it’s what made their bond stronger - their opposite personalities.

_“sana! could you please - for the love of god - fix your closet for once?” nayeon grunted as she threw all the clothes, that fell from sana’s closet when she opened it, onto sana’s bed. sana groaned back when a shirt went flying to her face, finally waking her up from her deep slumber._

_she and nayeon decided to rent an apartment together when they started sophomore year since they were always at each other’s places anyway. with their shared hatred towards their previous roommates, it didn’t take much convincing for nayeon when sana came up with this offer._

_there was no hesitation when they signed the lease, but now, maybe they’re questioning if they made the right choice of living together._

_sana sat up from her bed to watch nayeon scrambling through her clothes which made her furrow her eyebrows, “what are you even looking for in MY closet?”_

_“MY white sweater! you had it the last time and i need it tonight.” nayeon finally faced sana to see that sana was currently wearing the exact piece of clothing she was looking for. she can’t help but sigh and sit on sana’s bed, “okay. i’ll forgive you for taking my sweater once again, as long as you promise to clean your freaking closet. look at how much clothes decided to pile up on the floor!”_

_“but my clothes falling was your fault!” sana pouted, hated the thought of cleaning._

_because as responsible as sana is, that’s also how messy she is. while nayeon’s the exact opposite - despite being very lazy to do almost anything - one thing she enjoys doing is tidying up the place, especially sana’s room which always ends up looking like a storm just passed by._

_“well if you hadn’t stolen my sweater, i wouldn’t have opened your messy closet.”_

_sana sighs in defeat and nodded, promising nayeon that she’ll try and clean up her room. because as much as they get on each other’s nerves, they still wouldn’t trade each other for anyone else._

but despite being total opposites, they still have something in common, and that’s their love for random vacation trips. being in the business field is something very hectic and draining, so despite having different majors, they understood each other pretty well. and their spontaneous getaway trips would always be the one thing they need to feel better.

and right now - after sana was able to bring all their bags inside the room - crashing on the bed was exactly what they needed to start off their one week trip away from reality.

\--

dinner time came and they had made it to the restaurant with one minute to spare, earning a giggle from nayeon after she saw how worried sana was, thinking they weren’t going to make it.

as they settled on their table, they scanned the menu - something they always do earnestly. 

one that started off as a silly challenge that turned into a habit within their relationship.

_“why do you still open the menu when you order the same thing anyway?” nayeon remarked not even bothering to grab the menu in front of her._

_they’re in the same restaurant they always go to whenever they have the same free time. more often than not, they spend together eating at this very place. they practically memorize the whole menu by now like the back of their hands, but for some reason, sana still likes to check it out._

_“i like to appreciate my choices! and i don’t order the same thing all the time,” sana glared at her, feigning offense._

_but nayeon wasn’t having any of it and raised her brow, “so you weren’t going to order ‘fettuccine carbonara with no mushrooms but extra parmesan’? because we both know you would.”_

_“you’re one to talk! you always get a ‘medium rare but leaning towards medium porterhouse steak with no carrots at the side but plenty of corn instead - and oh additional gravy please!’” sana pouted which resulted in nayeon's amused grin at sana’s attempt to mock her which only backfired after receiving several glances from the other customers near them._

_“exactly my point! which is why i never open this anymore,” nayeon gathered both menus before calling a waiter. made sure to order for the both of them, including the drinks they always get too - cola for nayeon and sprite for sana. proving her point when sana didn’t even correct nayeon after she ordered their usuals._

_“stop pouting,” nayeon giggled, reaching over to ruffle sana’s hair to make the other smile again. it was a reflex for both sides, and like any other thing they do, it felt natural for them to fall back into an affectionate state right after a small banter between them seconds ago._

_“you act as if you know me better than i know myself,” sana replied and both girls knew that that certainly caught nayeon’s attention - and maybe that was sana’s intention._

_“why are you saying that as if it’s such a bad thing? and it’s not like you aren’t the same for me. you literally tried to prove that minutes ago.”_

_“well, if that’s the case, then i guess you wouldn’t back out from a little bet.” there it is. the reason sana wanted nayeon’s full attention - never wanting to back out of a challenge - so sana continued, “why don’t you order food for me from now on. and i’ll do the same for you. so we could also avoid eating the same thing over and over again. and if the other doesn’t like it, then she loses.”_

and as ridiculous as it may sound, this bet has been going on for two years now. that’s why it wasn’t a surprise when sana ordered a grilled cheese sandwich for nayeon after remembering the older mention that she was still full, and nayeon got sana a shrimp gumbo to satisfy the younger’s recent cravings for seafood.

they really make sure to gather as much food-related information from the other before they head out to eat, taking note of all the current cravings of the other so that they have ideas on what to order for different consecutive occasions.

“one week, no phones, okay?” sana blurted out while they were finishing dessert that same night, reminding both of them about another deal they made while planning this trip. 

nayeon laughed at that, “well, actually it’s just five days. but regardless, you really think i have an issue with that? i’m sure you’ll be the first to fail.”

nayeon had a point. sana can barely last an hour without using her phone and nayeon has witnessed that too many times not to laugh at the younger’s suggestion.

sana made sure nayeon would see how she rolled her eyes, “at least i’m trying! now, do it for me like i’d do it for you.”

and neither would deny how much weight those words have. it was like a deal sealer for the two of them - one that when used, there’s no backing out anymore - and they made sure to only utter those words during important occasions, and this trip was definitely on that list.

once again, nayeon scoffed, “low blow, sana. did you really have to use that?”

but a smile formed on both their faces, knowing that this was just sana’s way of proclaiming how important this trip is to the two of them, and having it sealed like this reassures the both of them about how they’ll make sure to make the most out of the five days together.

\--

truth be told, they did make the most out of it - immediately at that in fact.

“stop, i’ll die in there!” nayeon shrieked and jumped out of sana’s hold on her, hiding behind a palm tree nearby. 

the two of them decided to spend the second day in the pool, opting to save the beach for the day after in consideration of today’s weather which was a bit gloomy - something not enjoyable while looking at the horizon. but it seems like nayeon has decided on different plans after realizing that jumping in the pool with sana ready to torture her in it meant making a death wish.

"nayeon! it's a four-feet pool, what on earth are you saying?” sana tried to drag nayeon, but the older’s grip on the tree was strong. and saying nayeon was scared was an understatement - she was beyond terrified of what could happen in there.

but sana’s stronger. so as much as nayeon hates it, she had to accept defeat when sana opted to carry her to the pool instead of convincing her like how a normal person would. because normal wasn’t really in the vocabulary of their relationship and to sana, this seemed like the only logical route to go to. 

nayeon had her eyes closed when her body met the cold water which resulted in her to finally cling onto sana who also expected such a reaction from her.

“i’m gonna kill you. i swear to god,” nayeon threatened, which would’ve been more convincing if her voice weren’t shaking, but sana knew not to point that out and instead focus on making nayeon calm.

sana has always been aware of nayeon’s fear of going in the water. which is ironic, given how much nayeon loves going to the beach. but nayeon always stays by the shore, content on being near the water but never in it. sana always tried to push nayeon - sometimes literally - to face her fears and jump in the water especially when it’s just till her knees.

but nayeon wouldn’t budge, she never does. until today that is - not that she had a choice though - but sana did warn nayeon about her plans on teaching her how to swim, so it kinda was nayeon’s fault for not taking the younger seriously about it. 

“come on, you have to trust me on this. i won’t let you drown, especially not in a kiddie pool.” sana was glad that that made nayeon laugh, but sana knew better than to believe that nayeon’s easing into all of this. 

nayeon was far away from being calm, but she didn’t want to disappoint sana. she knew that for the longest time, sana wanted her to learn how to swim. even convinced another best friend of theirs - momo, who was the one who taught sana how to swim - to teach nayeon as well. 

but to no avail, obviously. because if sana is stubborn, nayeon is even more. but then again, only sana can get through nayeon’s thick skull regardless of the means she opts to use. which is why nayeon finally gave in.

it may be silly that two adults are practicing how to swim - especially in a kid’s pool - with one teaching and the other barely learning, but at least they had smiles plastered on their faces while doing so. sana gave instructions and made sure to show nayeon what to do and how to execute it.

sana didn’t mind waiting for nayeon to get the hang of it, but fortunately for her, it didn’t take long for nayeon to get to know the basics. after a few practice runs - or swims for that matter - nayeon was confident enough to transfer to the adult pool already. she still sinks more quickly than normal though, one thing sana takes note of to focus on at a later time. 

but it didn’t surprise sana how quick it was to teach nayeon the basics. in fact, sana even expected for nayeon to deliver well with rapid improvements. the older was a fast learner after all, very smart indeed.

and as much as sana wanted not to remember, she can never forget the time wherein she hurt nayeon exactly for this reason.

_it was a sunday and nayeon was in the living room, watching a movie on her laptop. she had one test left for her midterms, but it wasn’t set until tuesday. that’s why she wanted to take today as a reward for going through hell that is the previous week._

_and just in time as she put down her headphones, she heard a groan coming from the kitchen. it would’ve startled her if she didn’t hear sana’s frustrations emitted all over their apartment even with full-volume sounds blasting from her headphones._

_nayeon went over to the kitchen to sit in front of sana who was on the dining table with her books scattered all over the place, leaving no room for anything else on the table besides her laptop that she’s currently frowning onto._

_nayeon watched sana for a few minutes, trying to see how to approach her this time around. when studying, sana always prefers to receive coffee that nayeon made - best coffee she ever tasted, according to the younger - but there are times wherein she prefers to have some of her comfort drink, milk, when she’s in a much stressful situation._

_nayeon usually teases sana for still loving milk at this age, but sana doesn’t see the problem in it, so she always fights back and brings up nayeon’s love for yakult which, according to sana, is practically the same thing._

_but there are times where sana just wants company for her to be able to relax and maybe a few cuddles after. she may get snappy though, but nayeon has been the receiver of her frustrations far too many times not to know how to handle it._

_and nayeon figures that tonight was one of those nights, so she stays - like she always does._

_since sana’s busy reading a module on her laptop, nayeon decided to check one of the open books to see what sana’s been studying for the past four hours. it’s half past midnight and it seemed that she has no plans of going to bed any time soon. and nayeon wasn’t gonna let that happen._

_so she’ll try convincing her subtly._

_nayeon saw that sana’s studying for a class she took last semester and figured she could actually help sana if the latter will allow her to._

_“economics? did you get mr. kang too?” nayeon started, trying to test the waters to see if sana will let her surf on it._

_but sana merely nodded and didn’t even spare nayeon a glance which told nayeon enough that this was gonna be harder than she thought._

_nayeon was about to speak again when sana let out another grunt while slamming her fist on the table, startling nayeon._

_“whoa, hey, do you maybe want to continue this tomorrow instead? it’s late anyway.” nayeon stood up, tried gathering a few of the books so that sana would comply - like how she usually would._

_but tonight’s a different night. and nayeon figured that out when sana had an annoyed tone, “can you not touch my things? i’m trying to study here because unlike you, i actually need to take this seriously.”_

_nayeon knew that it was just caused by the stress, which is why she didn’t take it personally. and so she tried to offer some help instead. “alright. but i took this last sem too and i think i still remember most of it. so do you maybe want some help? i can—”_

_“oh my god, stop! i get it, you’re smart, you don’t have to shove it in my face anymore!”_

_and as much as nayeon would like to think that sana didn’t mean any of that, she can’t help but admit how much that hurt her. “that’s not what i’m trying to do. i just really want to help and—”_

_“no! no, you don’t! all you do is sit around all-day doing god-knows-what and skim your notes at the last possible minute before an exam, and yet you’re still the best in every class!” sana paused, and for a second, nayeon thought that sana was finished - since she couldn’t take in any more - only to be proven wrong immediately. “so no, nayeon. you don’t want to help me. you just want to be validated of how smart you are and for everyone to know that.”_

_and that’s all it took for nayeon to give in and let sana be. she gulped and nodded, unable to say anything else. because as much as she wants to try and help the younger girl, she’s too hurt to actually try and convince sana otherwise. and sana won’t let her either way._

_so this was definitely a different night, because as good as nayeon is at handling sana’s outbursts, she never was the subject of the frustrations coming out of sana’s mouth._

_but before nayeon left sana for good that night, she grabbed her notebook that was filled with notes that she took from the same class and left it on the dining table. not meeting sana’s eyes as she spoke, “mr. kang’s tests are always the same every semester. i used that to review for his midterms and finals.”_

_the next day, sana woke up earlier than usual - despite sleeping late - to make breakfast. she and nayeon rarely eat breakfast, but she wanted to apologize to nayeon for the things she said the previous night and she knew that making her food was a good start._

_she immediately regretted saying what she had said the moment it left her lips, realizing how wrong she was for letting her insecurities get the best of her when all nayeon wanted to do was help. nayeon’s intentions were always pure and genuine, and she doesn’t know what came into her when she said the things that she did to the one girl who was always there to bear with her and tolerate all of her._

_she knew how much she screwed up when she saw the look on nayeon's face, but before she could say anything more, nayeon already retreated to her room and sana was frozen in place. having nothing but the words she said to nayeon replay in her mind over and over again. and the time she spent awake for the rest of the night wasn’t even because of studying but because of the guilt crawling in on her._

_she even tried going to the older’s room before she went to her own, only to be met with a locked door._

_nayeon never locks her door, especially not after an argument. and that’s when sana started to think of ways to apologize to nayeon and to make it up to her._

_and while she was setting the table and placing food on the plate, she wondered why nayeon hasn’t left her room yet when she’s supposed to be up by this time, preparing for her morning class._

__

__

_so after she was done in the kitchen, she headed to nayeon’s room to check on her and knocked twice. “nayeon? are you up? i know we’re not in good terms right now, and i’m really sorry. but i made us breakfast, do you maybe want to eat it with me?”_

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__

_sana waited, but there was no response. she figured nayeon still didn’t want to talk to her so she sighed and went back to the dining table after telling nayeon that she’ll leave her plate on the table._

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_but it’s been half an hour and nayeon still wasn’t leaving her room. her class started fifteen minutes ago, and even if nayeon loves to take her time and be late, she’s never this late for class. and given the distance of her building from their apartment, it will take her another ten minutes to get to class._

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_so sana went back to nayeon’s door and knocked once again, “nayeon, i know you’re mad at me, but you’re late for class. i understand if you don’t want to see me, but you can’t afford to be late just because of our fight.”_

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_and since nayeon was still not responding, sana decided to enter her room. only to be welcomed by an empty one._

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_she immediately grabbed her phone and tried calling nayeon herself but it went straight to voicemail. sana even asked all their friends if they knew where nayeon was, to no avail. until momo called her._

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_momo didn’t even let sana greet her and instantly went on with an answer as soon as sana picked up. “nayeon was with me - came here two hours before her class to take a nap. seemed like she didn’t get any sleep either. but she’s in class now. i tried telling her to rest instead, but she said it’s too important to miss.”_

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_“oh okay. thank you so much, momo.” that was the only time sana was able to heave a sigh of relief. at least she knew where nayeon was._

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_“no big deal. but what happened sana? she clearly wasn’t okay. did you two fight?” momo really has no filter, sana figured. but she can’t deny how momo can see right through her and nayeon, especially during times like this._

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_“yeah, i might’ve said some things to her last night that upset her. i know i’m in the wrong and i promise i’ll make it up to her as soon as she lets me.”_

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_“alright, you better do it quick because you know how nayeon gets when she’s upset. i just hope she won’t shut you out.” momo warned her before ending the call._

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_but unfortunately for sana, momo’s wishes weren’t granted. half a week has passed and sana never bumped into nayeon - even in their shared apartment. sana didn’t even have a clue if nayeon was still going home, because if she has, it’s always while sana’s asleep or in class. sana even tried waiting in the living room, but it seemed like nayeon didn’t come home that night or she was just really stealthy to get in and out of the apartment without waking sana up who fell asleep on the couch while waiting._

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_sana was really trying. she still tried texting nayeon and even calling her, but like every other attempt, nayeon doesn’t answer. and nayeon was still almost never home._

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_until friday came._

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_sana’s midterms ended the day before. and her prof for her only class today decided to give a free day as a reward for surviving his test last monday - something nayeon didn’t know, given the circumstances - which is why it startled the two of them when sana went out of her bedroom the same time nayeon came in from the front door. the latter knowing every bit of sana’s schedule, but didn’t take into consideration that some profs usually give a day off and today happens to be one of those days._

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_so sure enough, sana wasn’t going to let that chance slip as she made sure to approach the older girl and engulf her in a hug._

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_“oh— hey sana.”_

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_that’s all it took for the tears welling up in sana’s eyes to stream down her face, soaking nayeon’s shirt._

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_sana was muttering apologies after apologies but none of them were coherent enough for nayeon to fully understand, so she pulled away from the hug for a second. and nayeon’s heart broke even more at the sight of a defeated sana._

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_nayeon wiped the tears from sana’s cheeks before pulling her back in a hug, making sure to secure the younger in her arms. “it’s okay, sana. it happens sometimes. you had to let out your frustrations about me at some point. i understand, it’s okay. you were right anyway.”_

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_nayeon didn’t mean to bump into sana so soon - although for sana it already felt like an eternity - but over the time they spent apart, nayeon was able to come to terms with the things sana said about her. she knew that sana knew her best and maybe the things sana told her was how she really was._

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_but sana shook her head and tightened her hug on the older girl, “it’s not. i didn’t mean any of it, nayeon. you’re the most selfless person i’ve ever met. please don’t beat yourself up over my insecurities.”_

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_nayeon wanted to disagree, but she knew better than to do that right now. she ignored sana for a week and that resulted in sana's tears right now and she had to make up for that. so she set the thoughts aside and made sure to reassure sana that everything’s fine between them._

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_and they were._

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nayeon splashed some water on sana’s face and made sure to swim as far away as possible to avoid sana’s revenge. 

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“im nayeon! what was that for?” sana growled while trying to run in the water towards where nayeon is.

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“you seemed lost in thought and— yeah that’s about it.” nayeon giggled and it didn’t take long for sana to get a hold of her. sana was a good swimmer after all, and a quick one at that.

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it turned into a very intense water-splashing battle between the two, seeming like they forgot that they weren’t the only ones in the pool. some of the kids were happy splashing along with whoever was nearby while the others got scared of the waves that were starting to form.

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nayeon was the first to surrender, but of course, sana didn’t comply and even went as far as tickling nayeon while in the water and teasing her for her old age. and when sana finally stopped, they decided it was time to leave the pool after earning a handful of glares from angry parents of the kids they scared.

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while drying themselves, they noticed the sunset and decided to take a walk on the shore before heading to their room.

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they kept quiet at first, and neither one complained. with their hands interlocked, everything seemed perfect that moment. 

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nayeon was the first to break the silence, squeezing sana’s hand while she looked at her, “what are you thinking about?” 

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sana’s gaze was on the sand they were walking on, not even realizing that the thoughts she had back in the pool before their mini battle started creeping in again.

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“our first fight.” sana had a sad smile on her face when she looked up to face nayeon. 

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nayeon tried to lighten up the mood by letting out a chuckle, “you were a very serious student, i must say.”

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“and you were totally the opposite! exactly why we fought!” sana laughed along, “ignoring me for a week? bet you wouldn't be able to do that again.”

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“hey! that part was your fault!” nayeon giggled again but something shifted in the air and nayeon cursed at herself for choosing the wrong words to tease.

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“yeah, it was. i’m sorry.”

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nayeon let go of sana’s hand to pull her closer by the waist and left her hand there. she knew how dangerous sana’s thoughts could get and she shouldn’t have tried to continue on with the teasing.

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“you forgave me so easily even when i thought things would never go back to the way they were.”

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nayeon stopped walking and made sana face her. she fixed the younger’s hair and tucked it behind her ear and kept her hands on either side of sana’s cheek. “no fights would amount to us losing what we’ve built for years.”

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sana didn’t have to say it out loud for nayeon to know what goes on in sana’s head. for nayeon, sana was always easy to read and even if she weren’t, nayeon already knew her like the back of her hand. 

__

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so they go back to their room with their hands clasped together - nayeon making sure to reassure sana as much as she can before the younger spirals into endless overthinking triggered by an event that occurred years ago.

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as they step foot in their room, sana made nayeon turn to her to pull the latter in a hug. sana knew she didn’t have to say anything else - nayeon already getting the message the moment she pressed her body against hers - but sana also knew that if she can be reassured through nayeon’s touches, nayeon was the opposite who appreciated words more.

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“thank you, nayeon.” and that was enough for both girls to feel at ease once again and to forget everything else that has nothing to do with their vacation.

__

__

\--

__

__

the sun was already out and it was hitting sana’s face as she walked by the lobby’s exit that leads to the beach and the resort’s pool. she was looking forward to heading to the beach, already wanting to go, but nayeon still hasn’t come down yet.

__

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moments like this make sana wonder why she’s still keeping up with nayeon’s constant tardiness. the answer is quite obvious though, but she’d like to think how nayeon has probably cast some spell on her of some sort. a spell that not only makes her put up with the older’s antics, but also makes her breath hitch whenever her eyes lay on nayeon. just like right now.

__

__

“took you awhile,” sana was surprised that she was still able to let words out despite the current state that she’s in. nayeon was mesmerizing to say the least. and this isn’t the first time sana has seen and appreciated nayeon’s looks, but sana will never be able to mentally prepare herself whenever the older decides to flaunt her physique like that with clothes that hug her features quite flawlessly such as the swimsuit she’s currently wearing.

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“you can’t rush perfection,” nayeon winked and sana couldn’t agree more. so sana wonders why nayeon still hasn’t figured out the effect she has on the younger girl - or maybe nayeon does and she sure knows how and when to make use of it.

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but sana will try to keep her facade of being unbothered as she once again rolls her eyes at the teasing tone nayeon used. “or you made me wait because you’re stalling to avoid going to the beach with me.”

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nayeon was about to protest and deny what she would claim to be a slanderous statement coming from sana, but once she finally eyed the girl who is making her nervous - because she’s sure sana will make her swim in the sea, and she believes that this is the only reason why she’s nervous and definitely not related to what sana is wearing - from head to toe, she sees her pout and nayeon’s attempt to keep her composure in check whenever she’s around the younger, failed.

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nayeon wanted to respond, with a snarky comment at least, but nothing leaves her mouth when the only thing occupying her mind is the way the sun makes sana’s orange hair glow brighter as if it weren’t already eye-catching enough.

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they head towards the beach, lying down on the mats they brought with them to place on the sand. the sun’s rays hitting their skin are warm enough to balance out the cool breeze of air coming from the water. and they stayed like that for a few hours till the sun was starting to set, an orange hue filling up the sky that’s also being reflected on the waters.

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it was about time for sana to complain, so nayeon was prepared when she heard the younger start to elicit a whine, “c’mon i’ve waited long enough. can we please swim now?” there was yet another pout formed on sana’s lips and nayeon never really mastered the art of saying no to sana - pouty or not.

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so even if nayeon was still afraid of jumping in the sea, she just had to trust sana with her life - literally at that.

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they got in the water slowly, and nayeon’s hands were on sana’s shoulders. they were waist-deep when sana tried to remove nayeon’s hands from her shoulders to drag her further into the sea.

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the water wasn’t as cold as they expected, but that didn’t ease the fear that her head is the only part left above the water and if something goes wrong, a strong wave or maybe a shark coming by or—

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nayeon squealed, hooking her legs around sana’s waist and her arms around sana’s neck. nayeon was shivering - both from fear and the mild coolness of the sea - and sana would’ve found it adorable if it weren’t half as funny as it seemed.

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nayeon stepped on an algae and her first reaction was to cling to sana - in nayeon’s defense, that’s the smartest and only choice she had - and sana couldn’t stop giggling, not that she minds that this is nayeon’s first instinct, of course, if anything she felt flattered. and giddy. definitely giddy.

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“i really hate you, you know.” nayeon said while tightening her grip on sana when she felt herself slipping away. and of course, sana saw that as a perfect opportunity to tease nayeon.

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sana grabbed nayeon’s legs first, removing it from her waist slowly - nayeon thinking that sana is just adjusting them. then sana started to hold nayeon’s arms, “well, if you hate me, i guess you don’t mind if i let you go—” but before sana was able to remove nayeon from clinging to her, nayeon was glued back to her, earning another laugh from the younger.

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sana received a glare from nayeon, and even if she still found everything that happened hilarious, she knew nayeon was still very much terrified.

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so she held nayeon’s waist firmly, making the older face her, “that was just an algae, it won’t bite. but be careful, some of them are on rocks and rocks can give you a cut if you move too quickly.” and nayeon nodded, slowly untangling herself from sana.

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sana’s lips were forming a smile and this didn’t go unnoticed by nayeon, sana earning another glare from the older but not long after, nayeon was mirroring sana’s smile too.

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sana asked nayeon if she wanted to try to swim, even warning her about the water being painful in the eyes if she opened them underwater.

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nayeon was hesitant, feeling a little overwhelmed and still scared, but the smile on sana’s face was enough for her to try and face her fears again. she did learn from sana how to swim yesterday, and there may be a lot she has yet to know about swimming, but that’s a start. because again, she can never really say no to sana, especially not when she knows that the smile on the younger’s face is caused by her.

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so nayeon agrees, and for a few minutes everything was fine. nayeon is embracing the small waves as she swims towards them. while sana is patiently staying by her side, swimming while making sure nayeon doesn’t go too far, too deep.

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but sana realized her mistake when she decided to stop swimming to check how far from the shore they are and how deep they were in, only to feel nothing but water below her, sand way deeper than she expected.

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she was calm, she knew how to swim and she can get nayeon back safely. but nayeon had to stay calm too.

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only thing is, nayeon’s not calm at all.

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she looked back at sana to see why she stopped, so she copied the younger and decided to stop swimming, only to feel herself sinking down yet still no sand can be felt at the bottom. 

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that’s when nayeon knew she’s screwed and that she could die any moment as she struggled to keep her head above water. sana immediately tried to grab nayeon to get her to calm down and not panic, but it was nayeon’s instinct to stay above water, therefore grabbing onto the closest floating thing - or in this case, person - pushing sana underwater.

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sana was able to recover though, getting a little air as she tried to grab both of nayeon’s hands and waist. and before nayeon was able to react further, sana carried nayeon and nayeon started to relax. 

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but they were sinking quicker than normal, given that only sana is paddling to keep themselves above water. and nayeon’s muscles started to tense, frightened of what could happen next. 

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sana knew she had to act quickly, but she had to inform nayeon first, so with the last few seconds remaining with their heads above water, sana instructed nayeon, “hold on to me and don’t let go. don’t panic but i’ll push us down to get a jumpstart, then i’ll swim us back to shore, okay? close your eyes.” nayeon nodded, and sana didn’t waste any more time and brought themselves underwater.

__

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by the time they were near the shore, nayeon immediately ran out of the water and sana followed suit, limping her way towards their mats. 

__

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sana grabbed nayeon’s towel and wrapped her in it, to keep nayeon warm and to make sure that she didn’t get hurt. she reached for the bottle of water they brought with them and offered it to nayeon. 

__

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“t-thank you. i’m sorry for panicking,” nayeon handed back the bottle of water for sana to have some too, and fortunately for sana, nayeon wasn’t trembling anymore.

__

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as sana drank the remaining content of the bottle, she shook her head, “no, it’s fine. i shouldn’t have let us get too deep. you were just learning. that was on me.”

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“but i could’ve done the doggy paddle thing you taught me. i... i shouldn’t have pushed you down like that too. i’m sorry.” sana felt the regret and guilt oozing from nayeon as she felt shameful for how she acted. but sana understood what happened and it wasn’t something unexpected.

__

__

so sana moved closer, attempting to pull nayeon in a hug, but nayeon was a little too far and she had to put more effort to get nearer. and as sana pressed her foot flat on the mat, she winced, and both girls’ eyes shot to her foot.

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“i’m okay! don’t worry, i’m okay.” sana tried to assure nayeon, but nayeon was quick to her feet and started attending to her foot.

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“you have blood stains on your mat and the sand you walked on literally has blood droplets from you!” nayeon tried to check how deep the cut was, but it’s hard to see anything besides the blood coming out of sana’s injured foot. 

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nayeon asked where she cut herself only for sana to shrug as a response, saying she didn’t even feel it happen and muttering something about _maybe stepping on a shell or something on the sand._

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nayeon gently set sana’s foot down, used the towel that was on her, and wrapped it on sana’s foot while making sure that it’s still elevated. she gathered their things and handed all of it to sana, receiving a questioning look from the latter, “uh what are you doing?”

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but nayeon had no time to answer sana’s question as she pulled the mat from sana’s butt and rolled it with hers and once again handed it to sana.

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and with no warning, nayeon swiftly picked sana up and carried her, still making sure her foot was elevated. 

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sana’s eyes widened at the realization and her cheeks were flushed as she looked at nayeon, asking her what the hell she’s doing without actually uttering the words.

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“i’m carrying you, what do you think i’m doing?” nayeon didn’t want to show sana how guilty and nervous she’s feeling, so she put out a teasing smile.

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sana stared blankly at her, trying not to roll her eyes at nayeon’s response. “i can see that, but why? i can walk back to our room just fine.” sana wiggled, trying to make nayeon put her down so she could prove her point.

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“i believe that you can limp your way back to our room, but that’s exactly why i’m carrying you,” nayeon paused and sana tried to figure out why. they were already in the lobby and all it took was for her to look at the elevator and the increasing distance they’re having from it for her to understand, “because i’m taking you here.”

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nayeon knocked on the door of the resort’s medical center and someone immediately let them in - not enough time for sana to jump out of nayeon’s arms.

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“nayeon! it’s just a small cut, i’m fine!” sana was pleading for them to go to their room instead, wiggling out of nayeon’s hold, but nayeon’s grip was firm as she laid sana on the table.

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because if nayeon’s fear is going in the water where she could potentially drown, sana’s fear is blood and needles and anything that has to do with both of those things.

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the only reason sana remained calm from the moment she found out she was injured - she was already aware the moment she cut herself - till the time before she knew she was being brought here, is the fact that she hasn’t taken a look on her foot to see how bad the cut actually is. 

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it stings and is painful as hell, but she’d rather deal with that in the comfort of their hotel room than get stitched up. and nayeon was aware of that, but she knew this could be more serious than sana lets it out to be, and if not treated sooner, it could just get worse.

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the paramedic who let them in told them to stay put for a while as she prepared the things that she would need to check on sana. she also gave nayeon and sana time to put on the extra shirts they brought with them if ever it gets too cold with just their swimsuits on. 

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“if this is your way of getting back at me for throwing you in the pool yesterday, then please i’m sorry! i’ll do anything you want, just please let’s go back to our room. i don’t want to be here.”

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nayeon was so close to giving in, especially after seeing sana’s pleading eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks, hands trembling while clutching onto nayeon’s shirt. but she also knew this was for sana’s own good. so nayeon held sana’s hand, “i’m sorry, sana, but it’s best if we get it checked. i’ll be here for you, you don’t have to worry.” she pulled the younger in for a hug as the medic checked on her injured foot. 

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“good news!” the medic cheered on as she grabbed a stool to level her sight with sana’s foot, “you don’t need stitches, it isn’t that deep. but i’m gonna have to clean this up, okay? disinfect it and make sure it really doesn’t require any stitches.”

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sana visibly relaxed and felt relief wash over her at the mention that stitches aren't necessary. nayeon felt another pang of guilt hit her as she saw how frightened sana actually was. but before sana could notice, she gave the girl a reassuring smile as the medic treated the wound.

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of course questions were gonna be asked, and sana was quick to dodge them by saying that she got cut stepping on a metal object while on her way back to the room. and nayeon thought of only one reason as to why sana would lie about this. it most likely happened while they were in the deep part of the sea, probably when nayeon pushed sana underwater. and the guilt building up inside her grew even more.

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sana winced again when the swab hit a tender spot, squeezing nayeon’s hand that nayeon was sure her hand could burst from the younger’s grip. and not long after, the medic put a bandage on the wound and wrapped her foot with some gauze. she left the two with some notes on what to do and how to treat the wound, giving reminders such as taking painkillers only when necessary, keeping the wound covered especially while showering, and the like, then they were set to go.

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nayeon was ready to carry sana back to their room the same way she carried sana to the medic, but before she was able to, the medic spoke again before heading back to the back office, “you can use the wheelchair if you want. room service can pick it up when you’re done with it, or when you check out of the hotel.” 

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nayeon was about to politely decline, sure that she can handle bringing sana back to their room, but sana beat her to it as she thanked the medic and stood up to head over to the wheelchair.

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sana knew nayeon doesn’t mind carrying her to their room, but sana - for the love of god - couldn’t go through that again because she’s sure that if it’s not her wound that will kill her, it would be her heart that will combust the moment they get into the same position they were in a while ago.

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so she opts for the wheelchair and she’s glad that nayeon didn’t protest about it. 

__

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they got in the elevator and that’s when nayeon decided to break the ice, “did you get it from when i almost drowned?”

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and sana would lie if she says that she didn’t expect for nayeon to catch on so easily. but sana quickly shook her head, denying the claim as she looked up to the older, “it’s not your fault, nayeon. you don’t have to worry about it.” sana’s hand found its way to nayeon’s as she interlaced them together.

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but nayeon can’t help but feel guiltier when she looked down at sana and saw her bandaged foot. “if it didn’t happen when i pushed you down, then when?”

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the elevator reached their floor and sana tried not to answer while they were on the hallway, but as expected, as soon as they entered their room, nayeon was still waiting for an answer.

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the older carried her from the wheelchair to the bed, sana muttering something about how _she could’ve walked on her own._

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sana sighs, knowing better than to lie to nayeon if the girl can see right through her anyway. “when i pulled us down for a jumpstart. there was a rock or something.”

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nayeon sat on her side of the bed, defeated. the guilt growing more than ever, knowing that this was her fault and that it reached to this point. she promised to take care of sana with every fiber of her being, but here she was, causing the injury sana has gotten. the image of sana’s teary-eyes while pleading stuck in her mind, causing her own eyes to tear up.

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but before nayeon could spiral to an endless fit of self-blame, sana pulled the older in for a hug, whispering reassuring words that everything was fine despite the both of them experiencing something equally traumatizing. sana saying something along the lines of _at least we’re even now_ and _this makes our trip more memorable than imaginable._

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“i’m sorry for making your foot bleed,” nayeon tightened her hug.

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“and i’m sorry for almost making you drown.”

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but both knew that the other didn’t really need to apologize, it was just for the sake of both of them being at ease and less guilty of the things that occured today.

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“we have two more days left to have fun anyway.”

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\--

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those two days went by like a blur - literally - and they are now on their last night. laid out on their hotel bed, eating chips and a few other snacks and drinks to get a little boozed, with a movie playing on the television. 

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it was nayeon’s idea to spend their last night in the hotel room to end their trip with a relaxing and chill night - much to sana’s disappointment who kept arguing how they could’ve easily done that at home.

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“stop scowling, you already partied way too hard last night to still want to do the same today. we aren’t in college anymore, sana.” nayeon would argue back whenever sana tried to change nayeon’s mind every chance she got, saying that they still have time to get _real drinks instead of the hotel wine._

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sana would always pout afterwards, knowing that if nayeon can’t give in to her requests, she’d have to play smarter. 

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but before she could do anything else, nayeon already set up everything they needed for the night and sana knew she already lost the fight as soon as her eyes laid on nayeon trying to figure out why the remote for the television only works up close.

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sana’s gaze quickly shifted when she realized she was staring too long at how adorable nayeon was, and nayeon was already returning her gaze. with a chuckle, the brunette lay beside her on the bed, “you look like this is the last place you wanna be in.”

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sana wanted to believe that she could still convince nayeon for the two of them to head out, but as nayeon settled lying on her chest, all her complaints vanished.

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nayeon handed sana the remote, “as a compromise, you can pick the movie.” 

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sana put on a psychological thriller film - a genre both of them would enjoy. with sana being into anything that involves suspense while nayeon wanting anything that can mess with her mind, this was the perfect combination for the both of them.

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the night went by pretty fast - three movies in and a bottle of wine down. 

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“i can’t believe you finished this whole bottle!” nayeon thwacked sana’s head, putting down the bottle, “i barely had a glass!”

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they don’t know how they ended up on the floor, with sana’s head on nayeon’s shoulder, and their backs against the bed. but no one’s questioning it, too used to how they always end up clinging to each other.

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“well, i need to have fun somehow,” sana was rubbing on the spot that nayeon hit while snuggling closer to nayeon, catching a whiff of the older’s perfume. “you’re wearing your party perfume, you were already about to give in!”

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nayeon giggled, “i like to be prepared, but look how the tables have turned.”

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“why didn’t you want to go out anyway? we had so much fun last night! 

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nayeon looked at the younger girl with an eyebrow raised, “exactly for that reason! your foot needs the rest because we both know that you can’t go to a club without dancing. just like last night.”

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_“just one drink and we’ll go!”_

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_nayeon repeated the words sana had uttered in her head, wondering how they went from getting one drink at the resort’s bar to having drink offs with four other girls they met at the third bar they went to… or was it the fourth? that, nayeon had no clue of._

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_and the bar hopping would’ve been alright, nayeon really wouldn’t have minded, if sana weren’t injured. so what infuriated nayeon more is that sana didn’t even seem to care while she’s on the dance floor, grinding with one of the four girls they met, lalisa, she thinks._

__

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_nayeon scoffs, focusing her attention on the glass in her hand. not wanting to see the current happenings in the center of the room. the eldest from the group - jisoo, she’s still not sure if she remembered their names correctly - was trying to make conversation with nayeon and she thought that could be enough of a distraction for the rest of the night._

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_jennie and rosé were joining in too on the conversation especially when it revolved around college anecdotes, apparently the four girls knew each other since then, reminding nayeon of her friendship with momo, jihyo, and sana._

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_sana. she looked up to check if sana was still over lisa, to her surprise, she wasn’t. but it was the other way around, it seemed like sana has gained the attention of lisa and now, she couldn’t keep her hands away from sana._

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_“isn’t she your girlfriend?” she asks, to no one in particular, but she kind of directed it to the girl sitting across from her at the booth, rosé. and now all three pairs of eyes were on her, cutting short whatever conversation they were previously having that nayeon stopped paying attention to the moment she looked over to sana and lisa._

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_“who?” jennie asked, none of them knowing who nayeon was talking to nor who she was referring to._

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_nayeon shrugged, “i don’t know. i just assumed that one of you is dating lisa.”_

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_it was jisoo who spoke, “none of us are. at least, not at the moment,” she eyed both jennie and rosé before continuing, “why? are you dating sana?”_

__

__

_nayeon knew the answer to that, but she didn’t know why it was so hard to admit it out loud. she always knew her place, but they never really talked about it again. there really was no reason for them to ever bring it up anyway. but before she was able to give a response, the two girls being talked about returned to the booth they were in._

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_a few glares between the four friends were exchanged, but for the duo, nayeon didn’t want to meet sana’s gaze, but that was impossible to do when sana pulled her up from her seat._

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_“what?” nayeon didn’t mean for her tone to sound so firm, so harsh. but with sana’s current drunken state, she doubts sana was even able to catch on._

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_sana didn’t respond and continued to drag nayeon to the center of the dance floor, her hand wrapped around nayeon’s wrist. and once there, the younger placed both arms around nayeon’s shoulders._

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_“you were getting too cozy with jisoo, don’t you think?” sana was half stating, half shouting over the loud music playing, continuing to sway the both of them along it. “do you like her?”_

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_nayeon immediately shook her head, regretting it the moment she stopped, clutching onto her head to steady her vision that had blurred from the action. “n-no. why would you think that?”_

__

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_sana shrugged, and they continued dancing, letting the music in the background take over the silence that was growing between them. and as the silence grew bigger, the distance between them lessened until nayeon’s hands found their way onto sana’s waist._

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_“how about you? you seemed too close with lisa too. do you like her?” nayeon raised her eyebrow in curiosity, but as sana met her gaze, the older looked away, afraid of the answer._

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_and sana seemed to think, weighing her options and considering it till she shrugged again, “maybe, i mean she’s hot.” nayeon saw the way sana glanced back at the four girls before biting her lip to face nayeon once again, “but that’s too complicated, i think their friend group has a lot to sort out in the feelings department.”_

__

__

_they both giggled, agreeing that there was indeed tension between the group that wasn’t hard to notice whenever conversations died._

__

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_and nayeon thinks if she and sana could ever address the same tension building between the two of them right now like how it always thickens during moments like this - one that she’d like to classify as intimate as it could get but never really to that point._

__

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_nayeon was compelled to move towards sana, that she couldn’t help but do so, tightening her grip on the younger’s waist. and feeling sana do the same made it harder for her to stop herself._

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_less than an inch left, already feeling sana’s breath graze her lips, and she would_ finally _be able to feel the one thing she has craved for for as long as she can remember._

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_but sana placed a hand on nayeon’s shoulder, practically stopping her from leaning any closer, and she tilted her head to leave a kiss on the older’s cheek._

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_“i think my foot needs to rest from all the dancing, do you wanna head back to the hotel?”_

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__

and as nayeon contemplated on the reasons why she didn’t want to go clubbing on their last night, this particular memory is the most prominent one.

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no matter how hard she tried to ignore it the rest of the previous night and the whole day today, she couldn’t - not when sana acts like nothing has happened and shows nayeon how unbothered she is.

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but nayeon would lie if she said that she didn’t expect for that to happen - it’s not like it’s the first time sana avoided any and all necessary conversations about this. and she herself is guilty for doing that too.

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so she lets it go - at least she tries to.

__

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sana giggles, resting her injured foot on nayeon’s legs while she looks up to meet nayeon’s gaze, tracing the outline of nayeon’s jaw with her finger.

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nayeon looked away, grabbing the hand on her face and playing with her fingers instead, knowing how sana is more ticklish when drunk - and finishing nearly a whole bottle of wine would ensure that the girl is more than just tipsy.

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“nayeonie,” sana’s voice was soft, small even, and it sure caught nayeon’s attention.

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and even the expression on sana’s face looked vulnerable, as if they were about to enter dangerous territories.

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and for a second, _nayeon hopes._

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__

“yeah?” nayeon didn’t back away from the longing stare sana was directing towards her, and she’s certain the same emotions are reflected on her own.

__

__

“don’t forget about me.” sana was the first to break eye contact, trying to hide the tear that flowed down her cheek.

__

__

and nayeon was quick to wipe it away and leave a kiss on the younger’s forehead before securing her in her arms, “i would never. i promise.”

__

__

“promise me that things won’t change. that whatever would happen after this trip, nothing will change.”

__

__

nayeon closed her eyes, hoping that things won’t go downhill after tonight, but she also hoped that things _would_ change between them. but she made a promise and she’ll do her best to keep it, “cross my heart.”

__

__

“i’d do it for you like you’d do it for me.”

__

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and as the night comes to an end, sana also hopes.

__

__

hopes that she could keep her end of the bargain.

__

__

_no matter what._

__

__

\--

__

__

“look who’s here!” jeongyeon yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the room, “thought we would have to start the party without the two of you!”

__

__

jeongyeon escorted her and nayeon to enter the living room of the rented house, before popping open a bottle of champagne to officially start the party. the crowd of adults went wild and went their own ways, some remaining in the same house while the others transferred to the identical house right beside them.

__

__

momo walked over to the both girls who came just in time, jihyo trailing behind the blonde girl, “hey.” momo hugged both girls and left a kiss on each of their cheeks, earning a smirk from sana.

__

__

“don’t tell me you missed me, hirai?” sana teased before acknowledging their other best friend’s presence. 

__

__

“you wish i missed you more than nayeon,” momo replied, placing her hand on nayeon’s waist which didn’t go unnoticed by sana - something she was so accustomed to seeing yet she didn’t quite understand why she still hasn’t gotten _used_ to it.

__

__

“you guys really decorated the place, huh?” nayeon commented, admiring the purple theme resonating all over the place, from the balloons scattered on the floor to the purple lighting coming from the edges of the walls and ceilings. “who did mine?” 

__

__

“the three kids did,” momo immediately answered, and unfortunately for her the aforementioned girls were right behind her with jeongyeon, therefore receiving slaps on the arm - three exact, one from each of them.

__

__

“we’re all working already! why and how do you still consider us kids?” chaeyoung was the first to complain, pouting as she snuggled closer to her girlfriend.

__

__

the eight girls jumped from one conversation to another, tackling anything and almost everything. it was the first time after a long time that they were all complete after all. 

__

__

“what does it look like over at yours, momo?” sana asked.

__

__

“practically the same, but blue.” 

__

__

nayeon and momo rented two identical houses beside each other for this particular event, leaving the rest of their friends in charge to decorate both places while sana and nayeon were on their getaway trip.

__

__

“i still don’t understand why you both decided to spend your bachelorette’s party together,” jihyo said, “literally defeats the purpose of the whole concept.”

__

__

momo was about to justify - or argue, sana wasn’t sure - but nayeon beat her to it, “where’s the fun in that? seems like everyone’s enjoying the college-party theme anyway. jumping from one house party to another.”

__

__

and as all of them looked around, drinking from their own cups, they were ready to drop the topic, but momo decided otherwise, “nah, she’s just a sap who wants all eight of us together rather than splitting in half.”

__

__

and that’s all it took for the couple to start running around the whole house. sana even figures that they probably reached the other house, the one supposedly for momo’s friends and coworkers.

__

__

their group of friends also started to disperse, so she went over to the empty couch and clutched onto her drink.

__

__

she looked back on their five-day trip, trying to commit to memory every detail and every second that they shared, knowing that that was the last time she would have nayeon to herself.

__

__

every touch, every hug, every kiss, they ever shared - never to the point of betraying momo’s trust, but that was something that’s subjective.

__

__

she thinks about their last night together, remembering the promise they made to each other, and sana wonders how long it’ll take for her before she breaks her promise to nayeon.

__

__

“what’s with the long face?” jeongyeon basically plopped down beside sana, making sana raise her injured foot to make sure nothing happens to it. because with the older around, she’s never sure what could happen to her. 

__

__

“oh? what on earth happened to that?” jeongyeon’s forehead creased as she pointed at the bandage wrapped around sana’s foot. 

__

__

“vacation accident.”

__

__

jeongyeon rolled her eyes, “do i even wanna know?” and both girls laughed.

__

__

her relationship with jeongyeon wasn’t like what she had with nayeon. with nayeon, she can share anything and everything and the older will support her no matter what. but with jeongyeon, she can talk about the things that she can never tell nayeon - for the reason that it is about nayeon herself - and jeongyeon will always be the one to keep sana grounded when things get tough.

__

__

she also has momo and jihyo to confide in, they were an inseparable quad back in college anyway. but sana could never and wouldn’t ever find herself opening up to them about whatever complications she has for and with nayeon for the very same reason that they were all best friends, and well, nayeon and momo are dating.

__

__

which is why jeongyeon’s presence makes everything better, keeping her from spiraling on the complex idea of im nayeon.

__

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“have you told her yet?” 

__

__

the older’s tone was low, careful. trying to test the waters, sana thinks, but was too upfront anyway. exactly like the yoo jeongyeon she knows.

__

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sana didn’t want to answer. they have this conversation almost every time nayeon is mentioned, and by now, sana is tired of hearing it. so she lets out a deep sigh before shaking her head, “no. and i have no plans to.”

__

__

“this is your last chance, you know, before it’s too late.”

__

__

their conversation was like an endless cycle and sana has their exchange memorized already due to the constant repetition this goes through. and really, she’s had enough of it.

__

__

she didn’t know if it was from the alcohol, or just from being pushed to her limit, but perhaps it was the couple who had taken up residence in the dining area and started making out in front of everybody as cheers were being echoed all over the house that made her snap at her best friend.

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__

“jeongyeon, stop it. don’t ever mention it ever again. because we both know it’s too late. the moment nayeon fell for momo was the moment she said yes to her and that was it. that was my last chance, but it’s gone now. so please, drop it.”

__

__

“let it go.” sana mutters one last time before standing up to head outside for some fresh air.

__

__

she wishes she could let go too.

__

__

and as she stepped foot out the door, a pair of eyes - despite everyone’s attention on her and momo - followed every movement of hers.

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__

and for the rest of the night, that’s how they stayed. with distance in between them and nayeon keeping an eye on sana, but the younger never once batting an eye to nayeon.

__

__

\--

__

__

they are adults, so they are busy. they have their own lives and have their own things to do, own work to go to.

__

__

but before, that wasn’t really enough of an excuse for sana to spend less time with nayeon. sana always makes time, finds time, even if it’s just for a few minutes before they both head to bed. 

__

__

but it could happen, of course, and it does happen sometimes - they are adults, and they get tired more easily now - so nayeon lets it slide.

__

__

it could’ve been sana’s bitch of a boss who would always give her workload over workload - one she’s told she can only work on with herself - and sana would’ve appreciated that back in college, but the amount of work she has to do together with her duties as the head of the department is nearly impossible to finish alone.

__

__

or it could be a client who, in the first place, sana shouldn’t be handling because that’s her staffs’ jobs - any of them for that matter - but sana wouldn’t be able to complain especially if the client’s right in front of her already.

__

__

so nayeon wonders which one is it this time that led to sana rushing towards her own bedroom - which is already questionable as is because sana always sleeps in nayeon’s room - not even noticing the dinner nayeon had prepared for her nor did she glance towards nayeon who was patiently waiting for her in the living room couch.

__

__

and nayeon wouldn’t be able to consider that maybe, it had nothing to do with work, and everything to do with the girl sana is living with.

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__

sana felt the older’s gaze piercing through her skin as she walked past her, but she tried to ignore it. god knows how much willpower it took her to blatantly ignore her like that when all she’s ever done the past eight years was to be all over nayeon.

__

__

but a little voice in the back of her mind, or more likely from her heart, likes to remind her of a little promise that they shared - one that she started.

__

__

_nothing will change_ , sana repeats in her head, closes her eyes, and takes a deep breath, right before opening the door to head towards nayeon. a smile on her face not quite reaching her eyes, but enough for nayeon to see right through it.

__

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but nayeon knows better than to believe that everything’s alright.

__

__

\--

__

__

it’s been a week since then, and a week left till the wedding. and sana never envisioned herself to be cleaning her closet - let alone nayeon’s - on a fine saturday morning.

__

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she’s been seated on the floor - her injured foot now fully healed but still a little tender - sorting out which clothes are hers and which are nayeon’s. and by now, she’s not really sure which are whose.

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nayeon came into her room, coming from the garage where she’s placing boxes of her things to the trunk of her car. “sana, what on earth are you doing?” 

__

__

sana rolled her eyes but didn’t glance at her, still trying to figure out who bought the black muscle tee she’s currently holding, “is this yours?”

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nayeon giggled and grabbed it, “i haven’t seen this in years! where did you get it?” 

__

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“uh, i think in your closet? or probably mine, i lost track honestly. so i take it that it’s yours?” 

__

__

for a second, sana thought it was hers. having a memory flash of her buying it while shopping with jihyo - but she did see nayeon wearing it more often than she ever did.

__

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nayeon shook her head and handed it back to sana, “i just used to wear that in college a lot, but it’s yours. so what are you doing? why are our clothes scattered on the floor?” nayeon wanted to sit down with sana, but with the different piles of clothes, it’s kind of hard to do.

__

__

“figuring which is yours so you can bring it with you.”

__

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“what? is that why there’s no more clothes left in my closet?” nayeon sat on sana’s bed, forehead creasing at the realization of what sana is doing, “are you throwing me out?”

__

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sana rolled her eyes again, but this time made sure to face nayeon - only that was a mistake upon seeing nayeon’s frown and she had this urge to kiss it away. but she kept her ground and remained seated, moving to lean against the bedroom wall so she could stay as far as she can get from nayeon being so near.

__

__

“you’re the one moving out, i’m just doing you a favor.” 

__

__

and that’s when it hit both girls how serious this was. 

__

__

since the day they met, they were always together - attached by the hip - doing anything and everything together that eventually led to their shared apartment and now to their shared house.

__

__

only thing is, it’s just sana’s now. 

__

__

sana would like to argue that it’s still both of theirs - this will always be nayeon’s home if she wants it to be - but she’s moving onto the next chapter of her life, and for the first time, doing something that meant leaving sana behind. 

__

__

nayeon is moving in with momo, and that’s their reality. she has never been nayeon’s home. it has always been momo. nayeon just happened to share a house with sana.

__

__

“you don’t have to do that, you know? i’ll still come by often so you can keep my clothes that were already with you. and i’ll keep yours that i have for when you come over to ours. some of them are already in my car anyway,” nayeon tried to play it soft. and sana understood, since she herself doesn’t know how to address this - this big elephant in the room - but at least nayeon’s trying.

__

__

sana merely nodded, hating that she can’t say anything else with the knot forming on her throat. 

__

__

she wants to laugh at how this feels like a break up when there was never a relationship shared between them to even begin with.

__

__

and nayeon already said that nothing will change and they’ll still hang-out, do things together, despite living completely different lives now.

__

__

and sana can’t really do anything about it, but accept that no matter how many times they say that things won’t change, it still will.

__

__

but maybe it’s for the better - sana thinks it’s not but she’d rather not dwell on something she can’t do anything about.

__

__

“i’m happy for you, nayeon. as long as momo treats you right, then i’m happy for you.” sana hated how bitter that tasted as it left her lips, but that’s all she could offer nayeon and nayeon takes it.

__

__

nayeon stands up and pulls sana up as well before pulling her into a hug, “don’t get all dramatic with me, i’m not leaving you.”

__

__

nayeon’s grip was firm and quick, and it was all sana needed at the moment to be reassured. and before pulling away nayeon leaves a kiss on sana’s forehead, “thank you, sana.”

__

__

\--

__

__

for years, sana has mastered the art of watching nayeon fall in love with someone else.

__

__

so she thinks that one more day wouldn’t be so hard. but as she watches nayeon walk down the aisle to the arms of someone who isn’t her, she knew how wrong she was. 

__

__

and it makes it harder when she’s right beside momo, both waiting for nayeon.

__

__

and it hits her stronger than ever before - as if this was the final blow - that with nayeon, it will always be momo.

__

__

\--

__

__

the reception was almost over when dahyun decided to call their group of friends for a group photo. but it’s not really a group photo if they were incomplete. because sana was nowhere to be found.

__

__

jeongyeon volunteered to look for sana while the rest waited. nayeon decided to take a walk, telling her now-wife to give her a call if they find sana for the group picture, hoping that they could and that the latter hasn’t left yet.

__

__

it still hasn’t sunk in to nayeon how surreal everything is - she’s finally married to momo. and she’d like to spend that part of her life with sana beside her, but how could she when sana has yet to be found.

__

__

and she figures life really works in ways she can never figure out when she sees sana sitting at a nearby bench right outside the venue, a second before she went back inside.

__

__

“hey, what are you doing out here?” nayeon asks, sitting beside the younger girl, both pairs of eyes looking out at the horizon.

__

__

sana shrugs, not wanting to face nayeon still in her wedding gown - not that she’ll get out of it anytime soon.

__

__

“what’s wrong?” nayeon asks again, but this time placing her hand on top of the younger’s, resting on sana’s thigh.

__

__

and that’s when sana looks over to her, as if nayeon had just asked a question too obvious to even think about the answer. 

__

__

but sana thinks about it, and she doesn’t know.

__

__

too many answers came rushing through her mind but none of them were the perfect fit.

__

__

she thinks about the day they first met - how she barely spared nayeon a glance until their professor practically forced them to spend the next 48 hours together.

__

__

she thinks about the day nayeon asked her out for coffee even when they don’t have any more reason to spend time together.

__

__

she thinks about the day they first had their sleepover at sana’s dorm - they weren’t allowed to do that, but they knew how to sneak.

__

__

she thinks about the day after that when they got in trouble because they didn’t really consider the cctvs installed in the dorm hallways.

__

__

she thinks about the day she asked nayeon to live with her and immediately went on to look for all affordable apartments nearby.

__

__

she thinks about the day she was promoted to be the head of the department and nayeon was more excited than sana, organizing a party to celebrate it with their friends.

__

__

she thinks about their first fight, first vacation, and first party together. she thinks about all the things they’ve done together. things they could’ve done together.

__

__

and she thinks about which day it was that decided her fate, which day it was that she realized she’s head over heels for the older girl, which day it was that she found out she wants nayeon in more ways than one. 

__

__

and now, she thinks about what’s wrong. and when things went wrong. she looks at nayeon from head to toe, admiring how the gown is a perfect fit to nayeon’s perfect body. “you look beautiful.” 

__

__

everything went wrong the moment she realized she was too late.

__

__

_and now she was too late._

__

__

“i look beautiful, that’s what’s wrong? i’m not really sure if i can take that as a compliment.” nayeon tries to lighten the mood. she always does. it’s one of the things sana fell for anyway, and it usually works, but this time it doesn’t.

__

__

sana didn’t even snark back, and she knew she’s being a terrible best friend right now. both her best friends just got married, she should be happy for them. she should be.

__

__

but she couldn’t.

__

__

“seriously though, what’s up? you’ve been like this since we got back from our trip.”

__

__

“like what?” sana already knew what nayeon meant, this only serves as a form of stalling, not really wanting to have a confrontation at the night of nayeon and momo’s wedding.

__

__

“like this! distant. did i do something? are you not happy for me?” nayeon’s voice became softer by the end of the sentence, her insecurities showing, afraid that she doesn’t have the support from her best friend.

__

__

and sana was wired to make sure that nayeon doesn’t ever doubt their friendship. it was her job to provide nayeon the assurance she needs whenever this happens, so she faces nayeon and says, “of course, i am! i already told you i’m happy for you. i still am. i’ll always be.”

__

__

nayeon shakes her head like a stubborn child, not convinced of the answer, “is that why you’ve been acting strange? you never really approved of my relationship with momo.”

__

__

“i never said that, nayeon.”

__

__

“you can’t even look me in the eye, sana! you’re my best friend, why don’t you support me?” nayeon didn’t mean to raise her voice, but she was as frustrated as sana is and she’s sure that’s what prompted the younger girl to reply with the same tenor.

__

__

“that’s exactly why! because that’s all i’ll ever be to you. no matter what i do, no matter how hard i try, i’ll always just be your best friend. i loved you _first_ , but it’s always been momo for you. and really, i’m happy that you’re entering this chapter of your life with momo. i just wish it was with me.”

__

__

and as sana realizes the weight of the words that she had just said, it was the same for nayeon, “what?”

__

__

sana immediately looked away, retrieving her hand from nayeon, going back to her distant demeanor minutes ago. “n-nothing. forget it.”

__

__

but nayeon has always been more stubborn than sana, and she wouldn’t let this go.

__

__

sana never imagined herself confessing to nayeon, let alone on the night of her best friend’s wedding. 

__

__

nayeon was still trying despite sana’s constant dismissal of the topic.

__

__

“it’s nothing, nayeon. you’re married now, literally just five hours ago. it doesn’t matter.”

__

__

but nayeon wouldn’t give up just yet, “it does to me. so please say it again. i want to hear it properly.”

__

__

“what good will it do for the both of us?” sana’s tone was a bit annoyed by this time, not understanding what nayeon wants to get out of it. but also because she’s mad at herself for carelessly spilling that out.

__

__

“please.” nayeon reached for sana’s hand again and this time sana doesn’t take it back.

__

__

and sana looks up to meet nayeon’s eyes, gulping to remove the knot forming on her throat. and in this moment, nayeon was all sana could see, their surroundings a blur, the sounds a white noise in the background. “i love you, nayeon. i always have.”

__

__

for a few minutes, they don’t say anything, eyes still on each other. knowing that once someone breaks the eye contact, they’ll vanish from the little bubble they’ve created.

__

__

sana expected for nayeon to dismiss it as soon as she could, just like what she’s been trying to do herself for as long as she can remember, only to be proven wrong when nayeon didn’t even attempt to drop it - but she didn’t do or say anything to continue it either.

__

__

the only thing that caused them to break the trance they were in was the voice of tzuyu calling out to them, “unnies! there you are! dahyun’s about to leave, and she really wants her group photo now!”

__

__

sana signalled that they’ll be on their way, and she already stood up, ready to walk towards where tzuyu and the rest of the girls were when she felt nayeon tug at her wrist, “sana.”

__

__

sana raised her eyebrow as she looked over her shoulder to face the older, “hmm?”

__

__

“please wait for me.”

__

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! see you next time! :)


End file.
